Taunt Me Harder Ch.4Pairing:
Die x KyoBand:
Dir en greyRating:
Die's father has brought home a present for him...
Disclaimer: I don’t own Dir en grey. This is entirely fiction, thank goodness- so don’t get any funny ideas. (I’m the only one with funny ideas around here! >8D)
Author Notes: I’m starting this 6/27/08. I really really don’t think I’ll finish this soon, but who knows? I’ll definitely try to hurry it up. Oh and this chapter is starting four years after the last chapter.
“ C’mon Kyo, it looks fine. Stop messin around.”
Die’s fingers curled around my collar, forcibly tugging me forward until I walked beside him. My vision was tainted by the annoyingly blonde bangs that hung over my eyes. Of all the colors he could’ve dyed my hair, he had chosen this detestable blonde which already had so many stereotypes I’d read up on. I didn’t voice my disagreement, but Die could easily tell just by the reluctant way I walked beside him.
“ I said it’s fine dammit. Now c’mon before we’re late.”
Die had been the one to dye my hair since he’d already had plenty of practice dying his own. The job was actually thorough, and would look fine on anyone else other than me. I wasn’t a blonde type! I wasn’t a badass. I wasn’t a dumbshit, and I wasn’t a rockstar. Why dye my hair that color?
I had been brooding over this last night when he’d done it, and this morning from the very moment I woke up. Why blonde? Now we were walking to Toshiya’s house, about to show this atrocity to Die’s friends. Heaven forbid they actually like it too. I wouldn’t doubt that they would since they’d gone color crazy themselves. Die had always been red, but Kaoru had gone between pink and purple, currently favoring the latter. Die said he chose those colors just to one up him.
Toshiya had streaked his hair blue, letting it grow long and quite feminine if I were to be honest. Shinya was no different except for the fact he kept his hair a more moderate color of brown. It was the only color his mom would let him get away with since he was only eleven. I could only wonder how Toshiya managed to get so crazy with his hair as he was only a year older. Now I was the new freakshow. My hair felt like a beamlight demanding that people look at my head- stare at my ears.
That was probably the most infuriating thing. My ears were an entirely different color, and once my hat was off everyone’s eyes would be immediately drawn to them. Even though only Die’s friends would see them, I was still subconscious about them. And after four years Kaoru’s intense ways of expressing himself still very much scared me. That kid needed meds, or love or something.
“ Damn Die, it took you long enough!”
“ Shut up Kaoru, it’s not even your house. You can’t say anything about me being late to Toshiya’s house.”
“ Myah myah myah- shut up and come in.” Kaoru mocked Die’s words, amazingly unafraid of the other boy’s wrath. It always frightened me how much Kaoru would egg Die on, especially when I knew the strength that temper held. The friendship between those two was one I couldn’t understand, and probably never would. As things were, I would never have a friend like that, and as things were I didn’t want one. Die was enough for me.
I followed silently behind Die, grabbing a hold of the back of his shirt as we got further in. Normally Die would smack my hand away, as it was a childish habit I’d developed, but when you were inside of Toshiya’s house it was easy to get lost. Toshiya never flaunted it, but he was a hell of a lot richer than Die or Kaoru. The only one richer than him was Shinya, which was ironically a nice balance between the four.
At first I thought that was the only reason they were friends, especially Kaoru, but the years had shown their bond to be more than I’d anticipated and stronger than the parents who tried to break it.
“ Hey! We’re up here!”
I got dizzy just looking up at the top of the stairs where Toshiya stood waving. One of his maids came to us, escorting us to the elevator to take us up to Toshiya’s level. When we got up there, the maid giving me a dirty look as we got off, Toshiya ran up to greet us. Along with styling his hair in a more feminine way, he had taken to hugging us whenever we met. He’d started doing it more than a year ago, and the others simply accepted it as it was. Toshiya never hugged me, but after a sidelong glance at Die he would pet me behind the ears, leaving an involuntary smile lingering at my lips.
This time he didn’t bother since my hat was still firmly on my head, and no one removed that except Die, or myself under Die’s orders. We all walked to Toshiya’s room, not surprised to Shinya already there flopped out on the bed. The other three also climbed onto the bed while I found my designated beanbag chair and laid on it. Shinya glanced my way.
“ Is his hair a d-different color?”
What I had thought was a childlike habit was beginning to form into a stutter. Toshiya had tried to coach Shinya out of it, but the youngest had yet to master his speech.
“ Oh yeah I forgot!”
Die got off the bed and came over to me. I bent my head forward, anticipating his grab for my hat and listened as my new hair was revealed. Toshiya gave a surprised squeal.
“ That looks great on him!!!”
Shinya agreed. “ W-wow. It’s a good c-color on him.”
Die’s smile was wider than I wanted to be, and silently I cheered for Kaoru to say something smart alecky like ‘it sucks’ or ‘my grandmother looks better’. Luck however, was never a friend to me so it was only fitting that Kaoru said, “ It looks decent. Better than red anyway.”
Die laughed, dropping my hat on the floor before he jumped back on the bed.
“ Oi you just got the PS5 right Toshiya?”
“ Yup and I got three new games with it too!”
“ How many controls you got?”
“ Four of course.”
They went on like this, fawning over Toshiya’s new system while I watched. I sucked on my thumb, something Kaoru in particular would make fun of me for, but I couldn’t stop. It used to make Die angry that I would keep doing it since Kaoru had one more thing to laugh at him about, but one day Shinya had pulled us aside saying, “ Don’t be too angry Die-kun. I don’t think he can help it. Y’know how cats lick themselves and lil kids s-suck their thumbs? S’like h-his body evening out between the two.”
He’d said this inbetween sucking his own thumb and it made me wish that if I’d had a little brother, it would’ve been Shinya. Die had taken his words to heart, and after that he was much more aware of what I did. He was kind to me, and allowed me more freedom than I was sure I deserved.
Die protected me always. Ever since I’d first come he’d taken me in and made sure no one messed with me. His father hadn’t dared to touch me like he had the first time I’d gone into his lab. The very next day Die had seriously gone and punched him. He had whispered something in Mr. Ando’s ear so low that I couldn’t decipher what he’d said, but whatever he said made the color leave his father’s face.
My wrists still suffered from the constant influx of chemical he injected me with, but the needle was smaller now and never incapacitated me for long. Die’s watching eyes were hard and unforgiving. Just one wrong move and I was gone for good. It was only because of that that I wished for Mr. Ando to give in a torture me like I knew he craved to do. It only took once, but unfortunately he seemed just as aware of the fact as I did.
“ Kyo, go get us some soda from the kitchen.”
Grateful for something to do, I found my way back to elevator and reached to press the button. My hand was quickly slapped away and I turned to see the maid’s disapproving stare.
“Don’t touch that. You take the stairs.”
I hissed at her, a natural reaction. She glared at me undaunted and I was forced to go the long way. The few times I had been here, this same maid always interfered with me. It had been explained to her that I was a guest as well, but it seemed like my very existence was a disturbance to her.
It took me several minutes t get to the bottom of he stairs. It was easy finding the glasses and soda once I got the kitchen. By now I knew which flavor was who’s favorite, and which glasses I was allowed to use.
I went up the stairs in a hurry, watching out for the old maid who seemed to single me out. For once luck was with me and I got to the room without incident. The drinks were passed around and Die called me over to the side of the bed.
“ You can have some.”
“ That’s disgusting Die. You let him drink after you?”
I ignored Kaoru, bowing my head in thanks before I took a few sips. It was a small treat I was allowed on better days. Sometimes Die was kind like this, and he gave me more than I could want. Other times he was impossibly cruel, cruel enough to make me wonder if he hadn’t been born in Hell itself. His love was fickle and elusive, but for some reason I craved it. I craved it more than the warmth of my bed at night or the comfort of food. It was stronger than I could bear but I harbored the feeling and let it grow.
If this was what love was, then I was glad I had never learned the feeling until now. If I’d been this attached to my parents, I felt like I would’ve died after the explosion. I felt like I would have summoned enough strength to crawl back inside of the fire and die with them. Thoughts like these had begun simmering inside of me, cool like steel and unsettling yet I couldn’t shake them.
I wondered if at one point Die felt like this for his father and somehow managed to survive when his love wasn’t returned; if that was created the enigma I live with now. I wondered if the feeling was natural, or if I was just special. My neediness disgusted me, but it also intrigued me. Just how many unexplored emotions existed within me? Just how many things could I actually feel?
“ Hey! I didn’t say you could drink it all! Move!”
The push was only half-hearted and lacked the sting it normally would if I’d truly pissed him off. I bowed my head waiting to see what he would say. I hadn’t meant to drink so much, but I couldn’t just say that to him. That would make him madder more than anything. I could only accept the blame, bowing my head as I moved to the corner. I faced the walls, making myself comfortable for the long wait. Die wouldn’t punish me here. At both Shinya and Toshiya’s requests he had refrained from using violence when they were near. It would only be in the darkness of the night as we walked back to his house that he would show me just how upset he was.
I held back the whimper that wanted to escape from my lips. Die would not be pleased if I let the rest of his friends hear me. No matter how kind they were to me, they were his friends. I was his slave, not a toy. I wasn’t meant to be shared.
Unfortunately, his friends didn’t seem to fully understand that concept, and as if to spite me Kaoru stood from the bed and approached him. Die didn’t even notice him at first, because why would Kaoru approach me? But he did and he kneeled in front of me, hand reaching out, before Die finally looked up from their conversation. His eyes immediately locked on mine as Kaoru touched me, his hands moving to my shirt, his fingers bunching the cloth.
My vision was blocked as my shirt was yanked over my head, and once it was clear again I could see Die was nearly livid. His face was boiling red and his fists weren’t balled up, but those black eyes bore so hard into me I nearly felt my heart stop. Feebly I pushed against Kaoru’s hands, but the other boy was touching my chest, looking back at Die.
“ Hey, you ever play around with him or anything?”
Shinya seemed completely out of the loop while Toshiya and Die seemed to have more than an inkling as to what he meant. I couldn’t understand it myself, but whatever it was it seemed to make Die even angrier.
“ Of course not.”
I waited for Toshiya to say something- let something slip to clue me in as well, but he stayed silent and watched the battle between the two.
“ Oh come on, you can’t say you’re not curious.”
“ I can and I’m not.”
Kaoru scoffed, his fingers trailing down my skin instead of snatching away. I trembled. What was I supposed to do?
“ Well, I guess I overestimated. You’re still too much of a kid to really know what you have.”
“ Shut up Kao, you’re only a few months older than me.”
“And those few months make a difference apparently.”
He let the words hang, his hand moving up my neck now, tickling near my nape.
“ You’ve got Kyo here, willing to do anything you want him to do- anything, and yet you only have him do simple chores?”
“ That’s enough Kaoru.”
“It’d be so easy just to order him to-“
“ That’s enough I said.”
“ You can’t say it hasn’t crossed your mind to make him s-“
“ SHUT UP KAORU!!!”
This time Shinya had interrupted. Hearing him speak so aggressively served to stop everyone in their tracks. The slight red that had begun to tinge Die’s ears faded and Kaoru stepped away from me completely. Toshiya seemed just as shocked, his mouth slightly ajar as he stared at the younger boy.
“ Kaoru, you know you’re my friend, but I’ll punch you if you don’t stop. It’s fine to tease, but can’t you see you’re upsetting Die?”
I had to wonder just what kind of education Shinya was getting at home because I was sure normal eleven year olds didn’t talk that way- much less threaten kids older than him. Anyway, I was more than sure Kaoru knew he was upsetting Die, but for reasons unknown to me he backed down. Maybe he actually felt sorry for what he did, or maybe he really didn’t want to piss Shinya off, but for whatever reason he went to sit back on the bed.
I stared at my shirt on the floor unsure. I didn’t want Die’s eyes to drag over to where I was, but I felt more ashamed the longer I sat there exposed. I had made a move to finally pick it up when Die’s words decided to echo in my mind. Don’t do anything without my permission he’d said. Don’t think, he’d said. And yet I began to feel more and more that despite what he’d said I should’ve put on my shirt the moment Kaoru had moved away.
I cast a glance in the bed’s direction, my look hidden under my blonde bangs. Die was already staring back, his hard gaze going straight through my bangs to glare at me. I felt the back of my neck heat as I shakily moved my hand toward my shirt. His mouth tightened and I dropped my hand uselessly. No matter what I did tonight was not going to be a good night for me.
I could curse. I could hate Kaoru with all my might, but it all came down to me. I had made Die mad, and no matter how I tried to pin it on Kaoru, it was my fault. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do.
I had to wait until a humiliating hour later, shaking shirtless in an otherwise warm room until Die stood over me, his voice low as it commanded me to dress and stand up. I was all to grateful to hear his voice, quickly putting on the shirt and falling into step behind him.
The hour I had sat there all the possibilities I could imagine raced through my head. Would he turn to Toshiya and say “you can have him.” Or would he turn to Kaoru and go “you’re right, you know how to use him better than me. Keep him.” Would he wait till we were outside, silently walking to an unknown place before leaving me there all alone. I could feel my throat tighten as I imagined him wrapping his warm fingers around my neck, moving away with my collar in his fingers.
So when he said my name, still waiting for me to follow him, I couldn’t stop the surge of relief I felt. It didn’t matter if I was punished. I deserved it. I wanted it. I needed him to know I was sorry. I was ready to let go of this warm fear I had come to embrace.
We left the inviting light of Toshiya’s home, stepping into the darkness that even the street lights couldn’t touch. I distantly saw Kaoru’s limo drive by, the red lights of the tail almost menacing as they went over the hill. Shinya had stayed. He’d gotten permission to sleep over. They had asked Die, but Die only shook his head, giving them the soft smile I yearned for saying “ Nah I should probably head home. Maybe next week.” He spoke so kindly to them that I could have imagined he’d forgotten the whole incident.
He had not however, and he was probably contemplating just how to address the issue as we walked silently to his home. He only lived a neighborhood away from Toshiya, yet I still felt it was dangerous walking alone. His father was unconcerned however, and unlike Kaoru Die didn’t want to depend on a chauffeur to get home. I wondered if the neighborhood was as safe as it seemed or if Die was just that confident he could fight off everyone. The thought distracted me, and allowed me to get to his home and up to his room without too much clumsiness on my part.
I barely got the chance to shut the door before a slap knocked me into it. Die came over, forcibly stripping me of my shirt. I hissed loudly as the material pushed roughly against my ears, following it up with a whimper when he repeated his actions with my pants. He stood there glaring, his arms folded while he thought.
“ Take off your boxers. Animals don’t wear clothes.”
I didn’t even think about it until I was bare and exposed to every particle of air. I moved my hands to cover myself, but Die slapped them away.
“ Oh no. Animals have no shame. Everyone should see you now- you wouldn’t mind right?”
I didn’t answer, only bit my lip. Would he really do that?”
“Get on all fours. You’re not supposed to be able to stand.”
I could feel my ears burning in shame as I lowered myself. The carpet blurred slightly, the work of the hot tears fighting to roll down my cheeks. I wanted to say I was sorry- wanted to be for his forgiveness, but I couldn’t. He was cut off from me and that scared me more than anything. How long would this last? Would he ever forgive me?
“ You seem to have no problem letting people touch you. The first time, it wasn’t your fault. My father had drugged you and tied you down, but what can you say this time? It was right in front of me- in front of my own eyes and you just sat there and let it happen. Are you that much of a slut?”
I t felt like my own throat was trying to choke me, the heavy weight of my shame sitting right in the pit of my stomach. My cry was nearly silent as the tears finally broke through. They decorated the carpet shamelessly, not heeding the watchful eyes above me.
“ Oh? So you’re crying now? It’s too late for that Kyo. I can’t believe you. What part of ‘you’re mine’ don’t you understand? How could you let Kaoru touch you!?!”
He finally allowed his voice to rise, revealing the anger I knew had been simmering to a boil over the course of the night. His hand was loud and final against my skin as it slapped down hard over my ass. My body shook with the blow and I couldn’t stop the hiccup of pain as I registered the blow. He repeated the action several times, my embarrassment multiplying itself the longer I stayed there exposed.
I could feel myself hanging, dangling with each hit Die gave me. The air touched me in places I had otherwise hid from it, and suddenly I was open before every eye- before every touch. I owned no part of myself, and this time Die was making sure I knew it. Before he had always let me keep one inch of decency. He’d let me cover this one last part, but this time it was a luxury I was denied and no longer deserved.
“ You belong to me Kyo. I took you in. I gave you a home, and I named you! Who the fuck else would you belong to!?! Are you stupid? Answer me you little shit!!!”
“ Yes Die-sama I’m stupid. I didn’t know any better!”
“ You didn’t know any better? Are you giving me fucking excuses after I told you time and time again you belonged to me? Are you saying it’s my fault?”
“ No Die-sama! I was too stupid to remember. I didn’t know what to do!”
“ What’s so hard about moving away huh? You could have easily pulled away- punched him even! How could you think that letting Kaoru touch you was the right thing to do?”
“ I’m sorry Die-sama! Please believe me. I’m so sorry!”
My words were coming out as garbles now- barely understandable. I was rushing them out, but my throat was tight with fear and my mind refused to cooperate to send the message.
“ Did you think it was something I wanted you to do?”
“ No Die-sama!”
“ Did you enjoy it? Is that why you let him?”
“ No! I never could!”
Die sneered at me, and I quickly had to duck my head once more. I watched his feet pace the room, coming close to me before walking over to the bed. I could only stand there stiffly, the carpet digging into my knees as I waited for the next blow.
“ You’ll have to earn your forgiveness Kyo. I’ve never felt so disappointed in you until today.”
Somehow his words struck me much worse than his hands had. I could barely hold myself up as the shame I felt almost became unbearable. I welcomed his hits if only it could cover up this sudden pain in my heart.
“ You’re sleeping on the floor tonight without your pillows. As of today you have lost all rights to use my things. That includes my clothes, my bathroom, my cups, dishes, silverware, or chairs. We’re going to bed now, but I’ll allow you one bathroom break until morning. Do you have to go?”
“ Yes Die-sama.”
I was surprised he’d heard my voice at all, but he had and he led me painfully down the stairs and into the livingroom. His father was nowhere in sight. We moved over to the patio door.
“ You’ve lost your bathroom rights, so you’ll use the restroom out here. Now go. You have five minutes.”
He opened the door, watching silently as I crawled outside. My hands were unsure once I reached the grass part, treading softly in case rocks or any unwanted creatures lingered nearby.
I quickly found a clear spot, maneuvering to hold myself so I could aim before his sharp voice broke the silence.
“ Don’t you dare.”
He didn’t even have to say what he’d meant. I lowered my hand back to the ground and did my best to spread my legs so the piss wouldn’t hit them as I peed. I could feel Die’s eyes on my back as I made myself hurry, shaking my bottom to try and get rid of any dripping so Die would have one less thing to get angry about.
Carefully, I crawled back to him, pausing where he loomed over me at the door. It seemed to take a long while before he stepped aside, allowing me inside the house. By that point my eyes were already blocked by tears, my head screaming at me for bringing this on myself. I could barely hear our footsteps over the sound of my pathetic crying, my tears managing to stain every other step as we made our way back upstairs.
Die didn’t speak to me any more that night. He only pointed me to the corner I was expected to lay in, too miserable to even stare at the comfortable pillows I’d been sleeping in just the night before.
The lights were clicked off, and I was only glad Die didn’t demand that I shut up, because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I had never had a night as unbearable as this one, and it was only fitting I fell asleep to the sound of my own pitiful sniveling.
Wow okay so I finished this on July 4th- Independence Day dudes! Woot! Okay so I’m really sure I won’t be finishing a fifth chapter nay time soon, but if I manage to, that’s great right? At this point I’m not sure how I feel about the character development so far so I dunno where I’ll go with it quite yet. Bear with me ne. If we’re all lucky I’ll try and finish most of the story before August, because once I get back in school…siiiigh well it won’t be so easy. Lol So wish me luck!